Worries

I'm not generally a worrier, but two scary dates are starting to loom. The first is 17th May, when I have to hand in my dissertation. Thanks to the weighting system, it's worth the equivalent of my entire first year of university (joyously, QM is one of the few places where the first year actually COUNTS). So, no pressure there, then.

The second, and even scarier date is 20th July, where I shall don a ridiculous hat and pay a ridiculous amount of money to get myself photographed clutching a rolled up piece of paper (to clarify, I'm graduating, not going to Glastonbury).

I have no idea what I'll be doing post-May. I'm desperately trying to find a job, but as I'm up against nearly 1,000 other people, my optimism is gradually diminishing. In a sea of Oxbridge graduates, I have no idea if a degree from a lesser-known college of the University of London makes me stand out for good or bad reasons.

Apparently, the graduates from 2009 who've already got their rolled up bit of paper and a year's work experience under their belt are also aiming for the decent jobs, so while there may be more jobs available than last year, there's also even more people to fight for them. And I have no idea how to make myself look better than everyone else.

It's at times like this that being best mates with the Queen or my dad owning a newspaper would probably come in useful.

What worries me is:

1) I have no idea if I'll be able to get a job.

2) I think I know what I want to do, but may turn out to be horribly wrong.

3) What I want to do is related to, but not actually, the thing I really want to do. But there's no way I'll ever make a career out of the latter, as - to be blunt - I'm simply not good enough. So I'm having to settle for something I know I can do, and hopefully enjoy.

Then of course there's issues to weigh up. I want to travel, but also would quite like to get out of rented accomodation one day. What do I put my money towards? Do I concentrate on having fun or establishing a career?

It's a big, wide world out there, and unlike most graduates I don't have the option to run away back home for a few weeks when it all gets too much. So I'm on my own. Which, to be honest, terrifies me. At the moment I've got the support network of uni, but that'll all be gone in a few short months.

I think it's time to break open that bottle of banana beer. And hide under my duvet until the real world buggers off. I may be here some time.